Empty Nest Pondering

Carolyn wrote the following letter to our son James Nathan as we took him off to college in 2001.

My dear James,

And so the day has come. The day I've spent 19 years in preparation for. Teaching you to make your bed and clean up your room, put your laundry away, pick up after yourself. OK, maybe I didn't do such a great job at that. Tell Mike I'm sorry. =) I think you did learn it, though, and now you'll start to apply it. But maybe there were other things that don't always show on the outside that I taught you...like, the importance of family and friends, the healing nature of kind words, and the comfort of a hug. In spite of my imperfect ways, I hope I helped instill within you the joy of serving Jesus, the power that spending time with Him brings to your life, the peace that comes from obedience to His commands. I see these things developing in your life, and it brings me joy beyond words.

But, I wonder if I've forgotten anything. You won't be living under my roof, really, now that you're all growd up and in college. I won't have the opportunity on a daily basis to nag or pick or instruct. So, lets see. I think I told you that even at a "Christian" college, there are few real Christians, so you have to guard your own heart, make your own quiet time, choose carefully the people you share your life with. You have to set the tone, be the example, encourage others to follow Him.

Did you learn to not put whites with darks in the laundry, that usually new towels and sheets fade the first time or 2 they are washed, and speaking of sheets, they do need to be laundered at least once a semester!!!! DON'T LEAVE OLD FOOD AROUND YOUR DORM ROOM BECAUSE IT WILL ATTRACT RODENTS AND CREEPY CRAWLY THINGS AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY STINK! Don't loan money habitually, nor should you borrow money. If you do, see that the debts are quickly settled. It will preserve many friendships.

Did I tell you that in a big city there are lots of things to distract you from your purpose for being there? Lots of good, fun, worthy activities, but activities that rob you of study time, rob you of time with God, and empty your meager bank account=). Choose carefully what you allow to possess the precious moments of your days.

Did I teach you that even in this day of modern technology, tiny little notes or a card that you picked out, sent in the snailmail are so meaningful to people you care deeply about...your grandparents, your girlfriend, a buddy at college, your sister...ok, even your mom.

And did I teach you that I will always be here for you, day or night, when you need to talk, when you have a problem or a question, when you want to share a moment. If you need someone to laugh at your funny, shed a few tears, listen to an idea. Someone to tell you no, tell you an answer to JEOPARDY, tell you that you're loved. I'm here.

Well, I must get back up to our hotel room. In a few minutes we'll be packing up and leaving the Hyatt, journeying over to North Park to take care of last minute details, and we'll be off, all of us starting a new chapter. But as I sit here by the waterfall watching the busyness of Chicago life, a hundred people have walked past me, none of them knowing that today, I'm leaving my Bamie here to begin his college career. They don't sense the pride I feel that he has become the man I see in him. They can't see the excitement I have that we have successfully arrived at this point in our lives. And I don't think anyone sees the little tears that dribble down my cheek every once in a while, because along with the pride and excitement and joy, there's this little bitty tiny element of sadness in knowing that my one job that has given me the most fulfillment and happiness in my whole life...having my children under my wing in my home...is now completed to a large degree. Not perfectly, not without regrets, but in the best way that I knew to do it, God allowed me to love and nurture and care for you, all three of you. And He has brought about results in each of your lives that make me so proud to say, "Yes, that's my baby!"

And so, the day has come. Great joy, great anticipation, great sadness. But most of all I want to be sure you know, once more, that...

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
your mommy I'll be."

love,
mom

Does Anyone Remember?

 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER?

Did anyone here know my little boy...

The one who brought us all that joy?

Does anyone remember he had a name?

His big, brown eyes, his curly mane?

Were you ever around when he gave out hugs?

That “teddy bear”  gave your heart a tug.

Could you answer all the questions that he had?

Or think his voice sounded like his dad?

I wonder if you knew how excited he’d be

When he thought about coming to Lowry City.

How he loved the farm, the house, the store.

Being with family meant even more.

Did you notice when he grew into a man

Kind, quiet, ornery, with such gentle hands?

Could you see in his eyes how much he cared

About each of you and the things you shared?

Then don’t be afraid to tell us so.

It’s the only way we have to know

That our boy still lives in your memory

That he’s not forgotten, that he’ll always be.

Talk to his dad - its hard for men-

And when you think you’ve said enough, then say it again.

We never get tired of hearing your heart

But don’t make us be the ones to start.

Say his name to me - how I love to hear

“Ryan Boy” - its music to my ear.

Let me know you miss him round the Christmas tree

Passing out gifts with Timothy.

Please don’t ignore the empty space -

That no one’s sitting in his place.

Its fine to cry or not to cry.

But please don’t act like he didn’t die.

I know that your silence he’d understand

He was never one to make a demand.

He’d know you’re uncomfortable to bring it up

That you might make us cry, or our day you’d disrupt.

But I’m his momma and I feel such pain

When no one even mentions his name.

When the family meets, then goes their way

And my loss is ignored - no one knows what to say.

I know you remember him.  You miss him, too.

But can I ask just one thing of you?

Talk about him to me, laugh or cry

But please don’t let the memory of  my Ryan Boy die.

Written after Christmas 1998     - Carolyn Lawrence

My Dad - Part 1

Thursday night’s celebration (11/11/10) was a first step for us to say thank you and document Dad's military service.  Our time was priceless in that we had 4 generations present for Veterans Day dinner.  We listened to Dad (James W. Lawrence) tell his story of serving in Germany in 1953 and 1954.  I have started the process of documenting his stories.  He left the US port of Camp Kilmer, NJ on the General LeRoy Eltinge.  For the first three days at sea, no one could come out on deck because the waves were rocking and tossing the ship!  After 11 total days, they arrived at the German harbor of Bremerhaven, Germany.  Upon arriving, Dad was assigned to Headquarters for the 18^th Combat Engineering Division in Giessen, Germany.  There he served as a Medical Technician giving shots to everyone!  He also participated in maneuvers along the Russian border.

He earned $150 per month.  He sent $130 to mother and me and retained a whopping $18 per month for him to live the high life!  His bride faithfully wrote to him every day!  They started under difficult circumstances and made it work!  I am so proud of my mom and dad for their faithfulness to one another and to me in the difficult days.  Dad called my mom his beautiful sweetheart tonight and then said “this is still a wonderful country! 

Thanks Dad.

I Don't Need A Rock

Last evening was a most beautiful fall evening. The fall colors and temperature were splendid! To cap off the day, I was privileged to take a walk with my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter, Libby. Libby is full of life and so many stories. Actually, she rode her multicolored tricycle while I walked along side. She was wearing a beautiful light blue dress, her pink tennis shoes and her Princess panties. She would stop to kill bears along the way and I reacted in kind.

On one of our stops, she picked up two small rocks. She said, "Here Papa! We will put these in our pockets!" I took my rock and promptly put it in my pocket. I noticed that she was searching for a pocket on her little dress. She was not being successful. There were no pockets on her dress. Not to be defeated, I saw her lift up her little dress and begin to put the rock, yes, in her Princess panties. She squiggled and squirmed - not looking at me - and quickly just opened the elastic around her little leg and let the rock drop. She immediately looked up at me and said with a little grin, "I don't need a rock". She immediately jumped on her tricycle and took off! I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes and took off following her again.

I am not sure if there is a moral to the story or if it is just funny. It seems like there should be a moral in it somewhere. Maybe it's about quickly realizing that the stuff we pick up and try to take along with us is really most uncomfortable. Maybe we need to just let it go and quickly say, "I don't need a rock".